Stems from fear
Always. Anger, wrath, enmity, violence, a retaliatory spirit, war... stems from fear of not having enough or not being enough.
I've had to do some serious reckoning
I had to do a lot before I could begin to write this, did more continuously through the writing process, and will no doubt continue to do so for as long as I draw breath. Unbecoming is a prolonged and arduous process when you have much to dissect and atone for. The self-examination took a good six months. It took that long to locate, identify, assess, and then purge my thoughts and my system of the bile and venom. Of the attitudes and characteristics that weren't serving me or others well. Sharing and opening up about this is the hard part. Being this transparent is difficult. But it's also cleansing and necessary. I have felt a sense of great shame, and had to sit with it for a long time. Still do at times. Shame comes in waves. But, at the same time, I'm mindful of the fact that just sitting in shame is a but of a copout. When you've screwed up really badly, there's a lot of reparation work to do. There's karmic debt to repay, and one begins to atone and set
Comments
Post a Comment